Ummmm creepy!

Okay how is this sexy? At all?
This is a still from a gay porn film entitled Cirqu Noir. It is a porn featuring creepy ass clowns having sex with each other. I can not think of anything that is any less sexy than this.
I mean do you want to have sex with Pennywise the Clown from Stephen Kings "IT"? Do you? Who on earth comes up with these ideas and why does no one stop them? If someone had asked Em or myself we would have said that no this is a bad idea and that you should just stop this now.
But did anyone ask us? Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!
When will they learn?
I hope you all can sleep tonight. I may not be able to after seeing this photo.

The Visitor

I woke up at 4:45 this morning.
I am not impressed.
I am bored and tired and being up this early reminds me of being on the farm and I hate thoughts like that.
This sucks big time.
And I don't really have anything to say. Apparently I am just wide awake and sitting in my bedroom and have to wait to leave to go to the gym.
Dum de dum dum.
I hate having to pass the time, I would rather kill it.

You're dipping into the Kool Aid and you don't even know what flavour it is

Sigh. This is a lovely photo of anitmattr and I battling it out over cameras. I think I win, because I can not even remember what his photo looks like.

At the cottage

Because I always do what he tells me...

Here ya go, Camcam:

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life
1. Arts House Program Facilitator
2. Receptionist
3. Customer Service Representative (inbound calls)
4. Marketing & Development Assistant

Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
1. Empire Records
2. Garden State
3. The Rage in Placid Lake
4. Bring it On

Four Places You've Lived
1. Toronto, Ontario
2. Bolton, Ontario
3. Guelph, Ontario
4. Palgrave, Ontario

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch
1. CSI (original only)
2. The O.C.
3. E.R.
4. Veronica Mars

Four Places You've Been On Vacation
1. Halifax
2. Playa del Carmen, Mexico
3. Vermont/Maine/New Hampshire
4. North Carolina/New York/Massachusets

Four Blogs You Visit Daily
1. livejournal
2. pamie.com
3. Go Fug Yourself
4. Damn Hell Ass Kings

Four Of Your Favourite Foods
1. Cameron's spicy pasta (or pretty much anything he makes)
2. Sausage Noodle Chili (the vegetarian version)
3. Veggie Sushi
4. avocado, extra old cheddar cheese and tomato on an everything with flax bagel, sprinkled with garlic pepper and toasted in an oven

Four Places You'd Rather Be
1. At my apartment
2. At a concert
3. At the movies
4. On my couch, reading

Four Albums You Can't Live Without
1. Against me! - Searching for a former clarity
2. Sleater-Kinney - The Woods
3. Against me! - is reinventing Axl Rose
4. Thrust Hermit - Clayton Park

Four Vehicles You've Owned
1. my feet and their various shoes
2. skateboard
3. Shine on you crazy opaz: Buffy (a 2002? 3? Saturn)
4. Thor: God of Thunderbirds and Car of Champions (a 1986 Thunderbird)

I'm amazed you don't find me delicious

I did it.
Today I did 1000 crunches.
Actually I did 1007 crunches becuase I just felt like it.
I bet that I regret this tommorrow, but at least I filled a goal that I have wanted to do for the past 6 and a half years.
Yeah clap for me.
In other news there is this other guy at the gym who I have been smiling at and trying to talk to and this morning I said Hello to him as we were leaving and he got shy and ran away. That is sort of cute and totally the story of my life at the exact same time.
Sigh.
In the story of my life you barely get a mention.

I Loved Bis

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life
1. Farm kid (I think it should count as three, but it probably doesn't).
2. Coffee Roaster.
3. Copy editor for a database on all who have been sentenced to death in Canada.
4. Children and youth services librarian.

Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
1. The Incredibles
2. Rachel, Rachel
3. Stonewall
4. Dead End

Four Places You've Lived
1. Toronto, Ontario
2. London, England
3. Guelph, Ontario
4. Warsaw, Ontario

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch
1. Let Them Eat Cake
2. French and Saunders
3. Absolutely Fabulous
4. Wonderfalls

Four Places You've Been On Vacation
1. Halifax
2. Melanie's house in Peterborough
3. The Cottage on Coon Lake
4. Italy

Four Blogs You Visit Daily
1. Fabulous Attitudes Taboo
2. Naked City Boys
3. Faggotty Ass Faggot
4. No One Asked Us (shameless I know)
*Note I read a lot more, but they ask for 4, so don't get angry if I didn't mention you. I still love you just the same.

Four Of Your Favourite Foods
1. My spicy pasta
2. Pad thai
3. Nigeri sushi
4. Cinnamon buns

Four Places You'd Rather Be
1. In bed
2. Heaven nightclub in London
3. In love
4. The Gym

Four Albums You Can't Live Without
1. Madonna - The Immaculate Collection
2. Juliana Hatfield - Beautiful Creature
3. Hole - Live Through This
4. Bis - Social Dancing

Four Vehicles You've Owned
1. A metallic green bicycle
2. Guelph student bus pass
3. TTC pass
4. My many pairs of shoes

I think Emily should do this now. You go girl!

Blah blah blah

Today is a low.
Today is a bad day. (I just wrote Dad by accident instead of day. Oops my bad)
But honestly I think I left my brain at home or at the gym or someplace because I don't have it now and it sure as hell is not working wherever it is.
I was late leaving for work today for the reason that I decided I could not leave my apartment until I mopped my floors. So I did that. And so many things distracted me whilst I was mopping. Music, the internet, food, guys yelling, stuff like that.
So I was preoccupied a lot.
Then I put on my coat and grab my stuff and am halfway down the hall when I realise I am still wearing my slippers and this makes me even more late cause I have to go back, change them and put on shoes.
And now here I am at work and I have no motivation and don't wanna do nothing and it sucks cause I gotta learn all the banking stuff today since i have to do it while a co-worker is gone.
Wish me luck learning math (which I am already bad at) when my brain has ceased functioning. Yippeeee!
Have a good weekend.

Merry Christmas to All

Have any of you seen the crazy guy on the subway recentlty?
Oh I am sure you are asking which one.
There is this younger man, who behaves like he's drunk who wears a red santa hat and usually has his tan parka half off his torso.
The man is quite buff and very proud of it.
I have seen him 3 times now and it was usually not that close to christmas. And he grunts a lot and talks to complete strangers and then gets off the train and flexes his muscles and screams "MERRY CHRISTMAS"
I have to wonder what on earth is he up to?
Is this chemical?
Is this fun for him?
I find it oddly titillating and creepy all at the exact same time.
Should I ask him out?

200 more to go

When I gave up smoking and took up the gym my first day in I declared to myself that one day I would do 1000 crunches.
It did not matter if I did them all at one time or in spurts throughout the day as long as I did a thousand in that one day.
I don't know why I decided this, but it is a goal of mine and I have decided that now is the time for it to come to fruition.
On Sunday morning I got up to 700 and really felt very little pain the next day. Today I made it up to 800 and was considering going the full route but decided that I liked the idea of getting to the goal as much as I actually want to acheive the goal. Having the goal to attain makes me more motivated and will probably keep me doing this longer.
The funny thing abotu all of this is that I hate doing crunches. I think that it is boring and repetitive and ugh that it hurts way too much.
But for some reason I am gonna do this. Wish me luck.

Please punch me in the ass

So I think the thing Em and I were gonna blog about yesterday was our little joke about what her neighbours were gonna see in her apartment yesterday.
Sometimes I get really large knotted muscles in my legs and I ask Em to massage them out, she usually reluctantly agrees and then punches me in the leg when I am not looking. Fun, huh?
Em also has a cat who has a thing about licking. She loves to lick people and she likes to lick my head. She usually won't let me touch her until I have let her lick my head.
So on Monday night my ass was really stiff and sore from the gym. And I jokingly asked Em if she would massage it and she said yes. So I said would it not be a hilarious sight for her neighbours to see her massaging my ass, while her cat licks my head and I scream because she has punched me in the ass.
How would you feel if you saw that in a neighbours apartment?

College of Complexes

I received an amazing compliment from my supervisor, she told me that she had talked to the regional branch manager and told her that she felt my position should become permanent since I have been doing such a good job here. I am amazed! I had no idea she thought that highly of me, nor did I realize that I was that remarkable at my job. So hugs all around for me. I doubt that I will get the permanent position here but I am constantly being told that I will be getting a permanent position somewhere and I have already applied for 4 with one more to go.
In other news of job hunting my friend Avril recently came to my abode looking for help in fixing up her resume and writing a cover letter. So I did my best, but have to admit I took some help from Mainja. Yesterday Avril calls me to let me know that she got the job - yeah for her! I am so happy for her.
And in ground breaking, earth shattering world news I talked to gym guy again today. It has been months in the making for our second conversation but it finally happened at 5:50 this morning in the change room. He is cuter than I remember and we only talked work but I also got his name and introduced myself to him. A few more conversations and perhaps I can ask him out or something like that. I think he is adorable.
And then this morning I had a kindergarten outreach at the catholic school up the street. It was a good time. I read my the book I Like Myself (a personal fave) and this puts my library well past the benchmark for kindergarten outreach. However having booked my program this early in the morning means that I have an 11 and a half hour shift today. Whooo hoo lucky me.
In closing I think you should all go and rent the New Zealand film "The Locals". I watched it with Emily last night and I don't want to give anything away but it was really really good and creepy without being gory. So go and check it out. And there was something that Emily and I were supposed to blog about today but I forget what it is. Hmmmm!

In my mome I can't feel my blah blah

Have you ever had the experience of walking up stairs and all of a sudden in midstep forget how to walk up stairs? How sometimes you're chewing and it seems that your tongue has forgotten the pattern it is suppose to move in so you choke or bite your tongue or mouth?
I hate it when that happens.
I wonder why it is that sometimes we lapse in our abilities and have to quickly re-learn them. It is kind of like riding a bike, as soon as you start again you pretty much know how to do it, but for some reason for three or four seconds something throws off what you through was inherently your nature and you are forced to learn it again.
Perhaps this is natures way of humbling us. That it is the much needed kick in the pants that says "HEY! Stop that. You are not as cool as you would like to believe you are"
You know kind of like when you want to fart and it turns out to be diarhea, whew is that ever a humbling moment. But could it also be that these things happen so that we appreciate when they turn out the right way? That when we are able to walk up stairs no problem, or all our motor skills run just fine.
Another example would be boredom. Have you ever had days where you were at work and there was nothing to do, and you are so desperatly looking forward to your break only to go on break and realise that you are just as bored as you were before, in fact even more bored because after you drink your drink and look at the 200 year old magazines in the staff room there is even less scenery to entertain you with.
Well that is the kind of day that I am having and it sucks! But it ends in 31 minutes, Yippppeeee!

Scott Evil (or please don't beat me again Mr. Librarian)

I think it is hilarious when a kid comes into the library with that dear in the headlight look in their face and a pile of materials clutched tightly in their arms. I know it means that they have overdue items and they are terrified to face the wraith of the evil librarian and the overdue fines we will inflict upon them.
I think it is soooo funny to see them run in, drop of the items and run out as fast as they can.
But then there are the more sophisticated children who come in and play nice and say they are returning items for a friend. Then 15 minutes later when they go to take items out they feign shock that they have overdue fines. Apparently we the librarian did not hear that they were returning those items for a "friend". Hence, fines should disapear off their account.
My first question is what on earth do the terrified kids think we are going to do to them? Are we going to give them paper cuts and pour lemon juice on them? Or do they think we are goign to make them walk naked down the hallway of their school? Or make them jump on a bicycle with no seat?
I wonder did they have some very negative experience with a librarian who took money out of their bank account? Or who publicly humilated them so that they are now terrified of the possibility of getting a fine? Or is it the fault of the parent? Are their parents taunting them and informing them that they will be locked up in the dungeon if they have to incur the cost of one more overdue fine? Whatever the case is these kids need to chill out. (but if they do then I don't get to laugh at them)
And the smart kids, I appreciate their cunning, but they really need to think it through a bit more thoroughly as they seem to be operating on the ideology that we still process items by hand, and we don't. We are now automated and so we the librarian have nothing to do with any of your fines or your "friends" fines. It is all your fault.

Press start to beg

Why is it that the whitest boys in the world have no idea when they are being just plain silly. I was walking back from my kindergarten outreach program today and while walking along this younger man (late teens early 20's) drives by me in what I am assuming to be his parents Nissam Ultima while blasting out hip hop music.
The car was that delightful shade of wheat beige and the boy was dressed incredibly preppy. I could not help but laugh. I laughed right at him, he saw and heard me laugh. And well to be perfectly frank I don't feel all that bad about it.
He should be happy that his appropriation of culture was just seen as being funny to me. Cuase, well it was. I think it is hilarious when really really white boys drive around listening to hip hop pretending that they are to cool for other caucasian people, or whatever it is that they are doing.
And in other news my supervisor told me that she has talked to our regional manager about me and that she feels that I should be given a permanent position here. Now chances are I won't but since I receive compliments on a regular basis she wanted to relate to the district manager what an impact I am making here. It was probably one of the best compliments i have ever received.
So I give a shout out to my supervisor.

The Scary Seventh Graders

I had my first class visit and program for grade 7's today.
I was terrified.
I was terrified because it was in grade 7 when the hatred and picking on me really began, and because I think that 12 year olds are the worse form of human beings that exist in the world.
I was also terrified becuase I have an interest in the teacher. He is a cutie!
Anyways, I was prepared for it early and spent the 15 minutes before they arrived wandering around walking into stuff. My supervisor tried to give me a prep talk, and I was grateful but I did not really want to hear it.
I was terrified that I would be catapulted back to that stage of my life and that I would be made fun of and feel alienated and ashamed of myself.
Well - it did not happen.
I found these kids to be quite pleasant and that the session went really well. The majority of the kids were very well behaved, insightful, they had really good answers and I think that my presentation was perfect for their age level and ability.
So I worried for nothing.
I am very proud of myself.

Bad bears in the big city

I had all my blood samples taken last week.
And that was not as much fun as it could have been.
Is there anything more irritating than not eating for 12 hours and then having some not friendly nurse type/vampire person jab a needle in your arm in a really painful way. It sucks to be not awake and groggy, and then to be wide awake while someone drains 6 test tubes of blood out of you and then don't even give you a cookie!
Also I love that they always ask me if I am afraid of needles. When I used to have a lot more piercings I would laugh at that question. Now I just quietly say "No". But I still think it is funny that they ask me that. But still I can not look as the needle goes into my arm. It makes me uncomfortable.
But the weirdest part of all of this testing is the stool sample. How embarassing is that? Well not really, but since I seem to have the type of brain that is on creative overload I made it embarassing.
First off taking the sample yourself is just weird, but I guess preferable to the idea of someone else doing it for you. But it is even weirder when you are trying to take the sample and your cats are watching you like it is the most fascinating thing that they have ever seen. I was living in terror of getting some of my feces on them. I am well past the Freud stage of wanting to create art with my poo, and i really don't want to encourage my cats to paint the walls with it either.
And so after having to collect the samples myself. I then had to seal them up in an envelope and return them to the lab. This was where I began to imagine all the horrible things that could go wrong. I slip and fall and my samples fall out of my bag and everyone sees them. Or they somehow get wet and leak all over the inside of my man purse or pants or something. Oh all the possible horrors!
But umm, it was uneventful. I dropped it off, the nurse made small talk (which I found cute and funny that she was trying to remove the awkwardness of me handing her a sealed evelope with my stool samples in it - like here is my poo - thank you for bringing me a sample of your shit) Weird!
So I guess all this proves is that I have an over active imagination. Do you think they make a pill to cure that?

What Gloom Cookie and Johnny the Homicidal Maniac really think

(this was emailed to me but it made me smile so I decided to share)

EXCERPTS FROM THE DOG'S DAILY DIARY:


8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favourite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favourite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favourite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favourite!
12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favourite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favourite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favourite!
5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favourite!
5:30 pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favourite!
6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favourite!
6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favourite!



EXCERPTS FROM THE CAT'S DAILY DIARY :

Day 283 Of My Captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only
thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction
I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors
by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must
try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse
these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their
favourite chair; must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and
brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am
capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed
and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working
according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell
the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY
power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to
be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is
assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

I'm half the geek I thought I was

This morning I had some spare time before I had to be to work so I decided to install my new hard drive on my computer. 200 gbs of memory, how exciting.
So I opened up my computer, vacuumed it out, installed the new hard drive, put in the correct connections in the correct spot (I find it weird that there is a master slave motif going on in there).
And then closed it up and started it up and could not remember for the life of me how I go about formatting the hard drive onto my computer.
Thankfully my good chum Antimattr was online and he had a good idea of how to do it. Between the two of us we figure it out. So when I get home tonight I will have oh so much more memory on my PC. Hallelujah!

My life has changed over a misheard lyric

Today I found out that a song lyric that I thought to be one thing is in fact completely different.
The lyric in Hole's song "Violet" was thought to be: "My destiny, mine is forever"

What it actually says is: "Might last a day. Minus forever"

The whole meaning of the song has changed for me. I don't know what to do know, my universe has been altered.
I am sorry if this knowledge does this to anyone else.

With this ring I thee wed - but first I have to hunt you down, break up your relationship and then make you fall in love with me.

Dear Mr. David Sedaris

I am madly in love with you and want to not have children with you. I have read a lot of your work and think you to be brillaint.
Please please break up with Hugo and move to Canada (it is almost the same as France) and marry me. I promise you I will make it worth your while. (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)
If I can not have you, I will have to do something drastic. That's right David, the D word.

Hugs
No One Asked Us

ps - really hope you read this blog and find this romantic and not at all creepy in a stalkerish kind of way.

I swear to God you mother if you eat the whole of that you are gonna be compromising something!!!

I had a rough night last night.
Oh my yes.
I had my pre-teen bookclub.
Now as some of you may or may not know, I have a few emotional issues. Some of which stem from the really shitty time I had in public and high school.
So asking me to deal with kids aged 8-12, not my idea of a really good time. But I do it and make the best of it.
But last night I wanted to murder them.
I did.
I wanted to take them all out and line them up against a wall and shoot them. Well all of them except Stefanie, she is delightful!
All right. So we had our meeting and then we were decorating for valentines day. And the kids were loud, rambunctious and loud.
This is normally not a problem, I am aware that kids are loud, but I was annoyed as we had had a discussion at the beginning of the night about volume levels and what is and is not appropriate for a library.
Trust me these kids were highly inappropriate!
And the thing that pushed me over the edge was one of them put a kick me sign on my back.
I hate that shit.
It is depressing enough that that happened to me when I was the same age as those kids, now that I am their elder they should know better. A lot better.
I was furious!
And then I was depressed from it.
My supervisor intervened and gave them a very stern talking to, which I appreciated, but at the same time made me feel like I could not do my job very well.
And then I went home and tried to have therapy through food.
I hate being an emotional eater.
I am having a lot of medical tests done right now so I am supposed to be eating only certain foods, but last night I just ignored that and chowed down.
I ate a lot.
Too much.
I hate it.
And I hate that now eating has become a feeling of compromise.

You Are Free

So here is how the date went: I met him right on time, he gave me a tour of his library, I met his co-workers and checked out his branch. It was fine.
We then walked down to the Drake Hotel and had dinner and drinks. He had a gin martini without Vermouth (so Gin in a glass) with three olives. And I had the house red.
He ordered mussles, I had the burger and fries. We talked a lot about work, about men, about past relationships, film, queer cinema, queer literature, life in general. It was a good time.
I enjoyed myself . . . but I felt myself resisting and sliding into old patterns.
The evening ended with an embrace and the suggestion that we should do it again soon.
I agree that we should.

The radio is on and you've heard my latest song

So for some reason I decided to check my horoscope for today on OUT.com.
This is what it said:

Sagittarius November 23-December 21

If you’re in love, grab every bit of happiness you can. That includes several parts of your lover’s body. And if you’re not in love, the Cosmos thinks you could be. Just go trolling with your usual optimism and irresistible charms.


Ummmm, so maybe this is a good sign for my date tonight.
Holy fuck am I nervous about it.
I knew I was when yesterday I was thinking about Scott and wanting to call him and then I realised that that was sabotage for myself. So now I am not gonna contact jackass, but I think my brain is trying to not allow me to enjoy this.
Crap I am nervous.

If you give a mouse a cookie

Today I have discovered my new favourite childrens book. After having been enamoured by "I Like Myself" by Karen Beaumont I have falled in love with Laura Numeroff.
Her books are part of the "an if you give . . . book". There are about 8 books in the series and I love them all!
They are all about routine and creation and I think they rock.
The first one is "If you give a mouse a cookie" and it makes me so happy to read it.
I suggest you all go and check it out.
Oh and while you're there get out some Daniel Pinkwater books. I always recomend his work.

Never Leave Me Alone For That Long

Today I had an extra hour before I went to work.
And I was sooo productive. I did my dishes, vacuumed my apartment, remade my bed, de-wormed my cats (how much fun is that?), tidied, thought more about getting rid of stuff I don't use anymore and all around general decluttering and watched most of an episode of the Golden Girls.
I can not believe I got all that done, and before noon. Yup just give me time and I can kick the worlds ass, but apparently it has to be totally unscheduled and without any sort of warning.
And in other news it is official, I have my date on Thursday and I am looking forward to it. And I have another date with a different guy on Sunday. Oh yeah, apparently 2006 is all about me dating. So wish me luck . . . and what should I wear on thursday? Sunday I am not so concerend about since I have already slept with this guy but the new guy I want to impress.