Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Fruit Machine

I passes accounting!
I am very proud of myself.
That had to be one of the most difficult classes I have ever taken, since I took statistics in my masters.
I like the prof, felt he did a great job of educating us.
And I got a strong C grade. So it did not alter my GPA and will allow me to finish up this certification.
I was convinced I was going to fail.
The mid-term was killer, and the final was harder. But I managed to get a B on the final which brought my mark up.
To be honest taking this class reminds me a great deal of being in my undergrad and doing all that hardcore studying at the last minute becuase you put it off all semester. However, this time I put nothing off. I sacrificed social engagements, time with Monster Squad and a whole shit load of saturdays where I could have been vegetating, to learn how to do accounting.
My taxes had better watch out next year. I may almost know how to do them.

Oh and in other news, I get to claim a huge sum of money on my taxes next year for having to buy all those new clothes to help my allergy to potassium dichromide. I like that I get a tax credit for shopping.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

So what?

Today is my last day at Parliament street branch.
I am really gonna miss this place.
The people here (aside from one) are amazing. I had such a good time, they made the job easy.
This branch was great for finding out my strengths as an in charge staff and being able to deal with the public.
I will miss being close to home.
I can not believe how quickly the time went by. It has made me acuteley aware of how fast our lives move. I remember when I was growing up and trapped in Warsaw that time seemed so slow. Now it has this weird sense of seeming too fast, while at the same time in the day to day it also can feel far too slow. I hate the weird dichotomy of that.
I don't know what else to say, another chapter is closing. A new beginning and a little bit closer to the end.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Accounting for the final

Last night my was accounting final.
It was harder than I had anticipated.
But I have to say that I did the best that I could.
I did not allow my math panic to freak me out, I was calm and collected and got through it.
I am not certain if I passed.
And even if I didn't I don't care.
I worked hard and I think that the fact that I even knew half of what was on that final was a miracle.
I hate math.

Friday, August 01, 2008

if this is communication

I really have no great opening sentence for this blog.
So having said that here is what I really want to say.

Why is it that most family have an inability communicate effectivley?
Why is it that as families so many people feel it is better to pretend and to placate instead of just telling the truth and being forthright?

I am of course dicussing my family (both immediate and extended). Having had the letter writing session with my Aunt and Uncle last November/December of last year, I have been thinking about them and my relationship with them a great deal.
One of the things that has always bothered me about extended family gatherings was how hard my parents would work to get us as a family to appear "normal" or at least functional. And I would always work my hardest to make sure that I did not appear normal in order to both make my parents angry and to convey a message to the family that we as a family did not function. (I am aware that it is very self-righteous of me to say that my family does not communicate well and that they need to change, but this is my opinion and in my opinion - these people need to learn how to be open and honest or the cycle will never end).
I hate family gatherings with my family. They are so fake and so very shallow. People asking the most basic of questions, people talking about the weather, about farming, about whatever. As usual with this life I want more. More than my family is able to provide. I would like very much to be able to know these people I am related to on a more intimate level. I would like to actually know who they are, what they like, dislike, feel passionate about, hate, etc.
There is just one little snag. I don't like most of them. Isn't that awful? I really don't care for my family. Not that that is such a big shock, lots of people don't like their families, but I am one of the few who actually removed themselves from almost all communications with the family. I just can not talk to them. They don't understand me and I don't really understand them. Wait, I do understand them (within reason) I just think that most of what they do and believe in when it comes to myself, negates who I am. I am never allowed to speak my mind, I am never allowed to actually have an opinion for fear of upsetting someone. Especially my archaic bitch of a grandmother who is so passive aggressive it makes me ill.
I am told that not being able to have family is a sad sad thing.
I agree.
But I think that this is one of those occasions where the people I am related to are not my family.
My family who I truly love and relate to are placed elsewhere and they allow me to be me.
what can I say? This is a short life we live and I would rather no longer waste my time on those who have no time for myself as 100% the real thing.
I guess it is kind of like the novel "boys like us" by Peter Mcgehee, I have built my family through living and I have removed my blood family by how they made me live.