Tuesday, October 31, 2006

I'm sorry, I need some clarification, are we flirting?

I am still hanging out with Cancer research boy. But I still have no idea what is going on.
He came over for dinner on sunday night and he was behaving differently from how he normally does, and then so did I.
He started off by saying that the music I listen to is really Lesbian. I have no idea what that even means so I called him on it. We then proceeded to put on different songs for him to qualify them as dykey or straight. Apparently I listen to a lot of dykey music in his opinion. Then I played Suede's song Head Music (which is about oral sex) and he denied it and said that the main lyric was not in fact "give me head" but "Get me high." So I called my friend Lena who set him straight on this fact (I think that was a bit jerky of me but I was picking up on his grade 4 school of flirting).
And the rest of the night went like that, he told me my food was dykey, apparently owning cats is a lesbian thing (who knew?), but my couches are really gay. I shoved my eczema foot toward his face and dared him to lick it, he grabbed my leg, and seemed like he was about to start play fighting but then decided not to (he has done this before) and so I am once again confused. Cause I thought we were just friends but I am getting signs that say other wise.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Kinky Boots (or why don't you go stick your penis in a warm jar of cheese whiz and leave me alone?

Last night I attended a halloween party.
I was not going to go and at the last minute I changed my mind and decided to go.
I put on my courtney love costume and headed out to Eglinton West. I was one of the few people on the subway in costume and certaintly the strangest looking. I am six foot two and weight about 216 pounds and was wearing my sluttiest Courtney outfit.
Things went fine, I was a bit concerned about attitudes toward me, but everyone was pleasant and smiled at me.
That was until I was almost at my friends house. Walking down the street, carrying my umbrella (yes it was raining).
At the intersection I needed to cross at there was a blue car with an older man in it. He was just sitting there so i crossed south and then went west behind his car. He remained just sitting there and then pulled up around next to me and started talking to me.
He asked me if I was having a busy night. I instantly wondered what the hell was wrong with this guy. I told him my night had not started yet. And then he asked me if I needed a ride to where I was going. I told him no, that I was almost there. He then kept insisting that I should get in his car and go with him. He kept following me along on the road - it was very uncomfortable. When I reached my friends house I just left the guy and he yelled something and I hurried in.
I was very happy that he did not follow me inside.
And in conclusion, what the fuck? Did he think I was a hooker? Was he into trannies? Or men? Or what? And why do these things happen to me? Am I just a shit magnet?

Friday, October 27, 2006

You do reflect the sun

On the subway this morning there was a woman dressed in a green shiny coat, with blue shiny pants, who was shining up her black calf high boots. She was shining them to the point that they were gleaming.
All I could think was Jeez, are you not reflective enough as it is?

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Wow - its an elevator

My day began today with my usual walk to the subway. There is a condo building going up next to it and as I was approaching I was watching all these people staring at something. I thought perhaps someone was going to jump, or that there was something new and exciting. But all they were doing was watching the workers elevator go up. And I literally thought to myself "Wow, its an elevator". And then I wondered had they never seen one before, was this concept that new? Or was there some signifigance that I was missing.
Guess I will never know.
Last night I decided to log onto Gay Canada for the first time in about half a year. I was just curious about who might be online and who may have checked me out. Strangely enough there was an email from some guy in new york. He was attempting to meet me and I don't know what it was about it but I found myself inherently not trusting this guy. I could not help but feel that he was up to something other than attempting to meet someone.
Now I don't know if this is just me and my learned dislike and distrust of men, or if there was something else going on. Either way I feel freaked out by it.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Don't drive faster than your angel can fly

It seems that buses are little test groups of society.
I went to Guelph last night to see some friends and get out of town.
On the bus ride there I had to listen to this man's attempts to hit on this woman who was very obviously not interested and only being nice.
I wanted to be the translator. To turn around and tell them what was really going on. However, it is none of my business.
And then on the ride back today, the guy in front of me text messaged someone to thank them for last night and to tell them he loved them (awww, so cute I thought) and then proceeded to try to pick up the girl in the seat next to him (awww what an ass).
I have no real point, I just found all this behaviour fascinating and repulsive at the exact same time.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

George A. Romero is in no way affiliated with this film

There is a remake of Night of the Living Dead about to come out. It is in 3-D.
That is right folks, three dimensions. Get your glasses now, only 2 dollars!
How cheesy is that?
And the most annoying part is that the male lead is not a black man, but some pasty white guy.
How on earth did these people come up with this? And why?
And why is George A. Romero letting this happen? Is it not bad enough that they did a remake back in 1990 that he was involved in? Can they not just leave this alone?
And the part I hate the most, in the trailer, Johnny text messages Barb with: "We're coming for you Barb"
How stupid is that? Since when could zombies text message.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Me doing the giller review

Hey Kids

Follow the link and watch me review a book for the Giller Prize. My book is Home Schooling, and I think I am the best out of the five. My colleagues agree.

And once again, gay men have the weirdest fetishes

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This photos is from a website and video release of a large teddy bear who likes to go around fucking and getting sucked by other guys.
I have to say I find it a lot weird. Not that I have anything against it, it is just one of those things that I am gonna have to accept and just move on.
The Bears name is Plushie Schwartz and he has a website if you all wanna go visit it:
Kind of makes me think of the Bjork "Human Behaviour" video, but a lot more dirty!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Honestly now. Really?

I really like how hard some people try to come off looking all tough.
For example today at the Brentwood library we had a young man who was dressed all in black, with greasy black hair, who was trying his best to be all intimidating to the other patrons.
In my opinion I thought he was doing a good job until I saw that his pants (which he was wearing fashionably low) and the space between his shirt revealed his Looney Tunes Boxers.
Scary no more.

Thursday, October 12, 2006


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I found these on the internet and I just had to share them. Sigh, oh they crack me up!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

I lost my fifteen minutes

Today I am being videotaped in interview for a giller shortlisted book.
The book is Carol Windley's "Home Schooling" and well I just finished reading it and it was pretty fucking good.
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However I know have to think of clever thngs to say about it and discuss it in a way that is both intellecual and appealing to the public so that they will want to read it (and when I say want to read it I mean that they will come take it out of the library, not go and buy their own copy). At least it was a good collection of short stories with lots of fodder for thoughts and ideas. I am very happy I was not given a book I detested as I would still have to go and talk about why one should choose this book and why it was nominated for the Giller award. (which for those of you who don't follow Canadian literature is a BIG deal for both the author and the publisher who win - it can make or break a persons career and the financial year for that publisher)
The very cool thing about this years Giller is that all the nominated texts are all from independent publishers. This has never happeneded before. Much like the Oscars the Giller is always fraught with authors and publishers who are of the very mainstream, so this time it's being all independent publishers is very exciting and shows a change in the literary trends for Canada and it also reflects that readers want more control over what they are reading and don't want to read what a publishing house assumes will be a big seller.
So wish me luck on my interview and I will let you know when it is posted on the TPL website so you can watch me talk about this book and try to sell it to the public.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006


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1. Snarkout boys and the avacado of death.
2. Yobgorgle the mystery monster of lake ontario
3. Borgle.
4. Worms of Kukumalima
5. The After Life Diet.

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1. Mono.
2. Violet.
3. But Julian I'm a little bit older than you
4. Love, love, love.
5. Plumb.

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1. The Lights.
2. Hotels.
3. For the birds.
4. What do I care?
5. Choose Drugs.

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1. The House of Yes.
2. Adam and Steve.
3. Clockwatchers.
4. Dinner at Freds.
5. Henry Fool.

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1. The Bridge.
2. Some Jingle Jangle Morning.
3. The Wind Blew All Around Me.
4. Old Tin Tray.
5. Salem '76.

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1. Disco 2000.
2. Billy Jack.
3. Cocaine Socialism.
4. Weeds.
5. Common People.

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1. Girl.
2. A sorta fairytale.
3. Cornflake Girl.
4. The Power of Orange Knickers.
5. Spark.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Things you should never say at work

It is a bad idea to start your day by stating: "Today I became a man"

Your co-workers will laugh at you and then you have to explain that what that really meant was that today you realized that you favour black socks over gray socks for work attire.
When I was growing up I always believed that black socks were the socks of adult men. That only really old men wore them. (all the time, even with sandals and shorts - ugh!)So when I made that realization that I was reaching for the black socks and not the gray, I thought to myself. Awww I am a man now, how funny is that?
I should have kept it to myself and not told my co-workers.
I guess I have learned my lesson.