Thursday, May 19, 2005

Now I have seen everything


I have been making a few observations over the past couple of days and holy fuck are there some weird and beautiful people in this world who probably have no idea how weird or wonderful they are.
The first was this young gay man who I saw on last thursday night when I was making my way to the subway. There was this group of gay youths jogging past me as part of some sort of queer support group and at the very end was a straggler who epitomized the gay stereotype. He was wearing a funky little outfit, was barely jogging, and attempting to call someone on his cell phone while telling everyone else to "wait the fuck up!" The rest of the group was losing him and sweating profusely but this "lag behinder" seemed to be way more concerned with maintaing his hair and not becoming flushed then actually engaging in the activities of the group. ALl I could think was that he had joined in order to impress someone and was now seriously changing his mind.

The next person was this middle age man on the subway. He got on one stop after me and when he walked on it was like the temperature dropped. He was so sour looking and he was giving everyone nasty looks. Don't know why, but he was. He sat alone (cause no one would sit near him) and just looked miserable. I felt so sorry for him, I wanted to ask him what was wrong but at the same time was incredibly intimidated by him. After a few stops this very attractive young woman (with very stylish shoes I must say) got on and she sat down across from him. She was doing something on her palm pilot and did not really look at where she was sitting. The man noticed her and he immediatly softened. And instantly he became a very attractive man, even I was all like "Damn! You hot when you don't look so sour" and he kept attempting to get the womans attention but to no avail she was all busy with her life and stuff. When she got off he returned to his original state. It was both one of the most beautiful and sad things I have ever seen.

At Yorkdale mall when I got off the subway the first thing I saw was this group of asian women together. Three of them and they were behaving like foxy black mamas. It was hilarious. I mean they were talking the ghetto talk and trying to be all "black womanesque" which I think is hilarious. First of all I always think it is funny when a minority attempts to appropriate the behaviour of another minority. I am proud of the asian girls for not adhering to the typical "we like math and our super smart and kind of dippy" asian girl thing. But at the same time I had to question why they would choose to behave like foxy black mamas. They made me think of gay men when they do that kind of thing (and yes I am aware that I impersonate foxy black mamas all the time - no that irony is not lost on me at all) and behave like a strong black woman. Oh so weird, but hilarious.

On Sunday night when I was walking home from the grocery store I saw this man listening to his walkman and dancing like he was not in the street but in a broadway show of some sort. Kind of a combo between "Cats", "The Pirates of Penzance" and "Hedwig and the Angry Inch". It was wonderful to see him being so free, and it really pissed me off when others on the street looked at him like he was crazy. Maybe he was, so what? I don't understand how his dancing was hurting anyone, but people were judging him for not adhering to the street walking norms. Drives me nuts.

and that is it. I have seen some marvelous things in my life, but these ones absolutely stick out in my head.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Find My Voice ( and sex is not the enemy)

All right
I had a great weekend away where I had this strange, weird, intense moment of feeling like myself. It was wonderful and at the very same time rather estranging. It kind of put me in a bad mood, but I managed to snap out of it. The best part was realizing that I could feel so at home in my body and that there was no need to pretend or be fake (I fake it so real I am beyond fake) and this my dears was amazing!
Perhaps it was just being with D and O who both know me well and therefore put me at ease. Perhaps it was that Derf was there with her new boy who I like quite a lot. Perhaps it was that we were at a place that I have always considered sanctuary. Perhaps it was the fact that I took a nap and enjoyed it, and I rarely take naps cause I hate them. Maybe I have just grown more comfortable with myself and have not noticed whatever it was it was a great moment in time.
So yeah other than that not too much is going on in my world. Job hunting (applied for another one today), I have had two dates with this boy and I think I like him. I feel very relaxed with him which is really novel for me.
Last night I was telling him how I used to ask all my straight male friends if they wanted to make out. They would always say no so it became this thing that I only asked to my friends as a joke. But last night after I told him this he was all like "waht do you want to do?" So I asked him: "wanna make out?" and it was hilarious but then we did not end up kissing for a little while later. Sigh. My goodness. Date number three is on weds at his place. Wish me luck.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Varnish now comes in a spray on can!!!!

I did it.
I am extremely sore and in pain and wow does my lower back hurt - and one side of my abs, the left side to be exact - but I did it.
Yes that is right I moved. Whoo hoooo! I no longer live in my quaint little hell hole I now live in a faboo apartment that I am falling in love with. It is almost set up all I have to do is sort my CDs and put up my art work and I am done. I love it! I love it!.
Moving was stressful, oh my yes it was. However it was done much sooner than I had anticipated it would be. I had walked lots of stuff over from Weds when i got my keys to friday when Amy showed up with her car. (just so you all know Amy is my new best friend who I love for forever as she is the one who made it so that I did not have to rent an expensive van since she said to me when she saw what was left "lets just move it all." I looked at her with wide wide eyes and said: "really?" She nodded her head, took a drag on her cigarette, exhaled out her nose and said "Yeah, lets do it" and we did. Holy fuck did we and it was awesome. Except for the weirdo with the bike who I believe lives in my new building, it was awesome. heather and my sister were there and we got it done adn then went out dancing. Saturday was a trip to Ikea (unfortunatly but I needed a TV stand) and then shopping with my sister. Then setting up and then I went out (sisters feet hurt) and danced and had a faboo time. Sunday I was exhausted.
So to update the becoming "easy" endeavour, it is not going so well. I tried to talk to boys on friday night (saturday night was a straight club, but friday was Vazaleen)and I kissed one on the cheek and held the hands of another but there was no hardcore pumping and sucking action anywhere. I have however noticed that girls check me out and give me eyes way more then boys. I don't know why this is, but it is. So I am thinking I have to become straight which I really don't want to do.
The job hunt continues and this time it is with TPL who is hiring 2 childrens librarians, I really hope that I get somethign there.
And other than that it will soon be time for housewarming party.

And for all ofyou who are saying to yourselves "what about the bed bugs?" I am almost certain that none of them made the trip with me. My research indicates that they prefer to live in close vicinity to their victims, I know that they were no longer in my bed and my futon frame spent three weeks in very cold temps and was then wrapped in plastic and then varnished so I am positive that they did not come that way. All the boxes had every possible area of exposure taped up so taht they could not get in and if they did they would be stuck and then dead. So I am going to vacuum every other day for a month and then that should be it for me and the bed bugs scenario. however I talked to a neighbour right before I left (the old place) and he informed me that the entire first floor was moving out due to bed bugs and the fact that they won't go away and that the supers are so laxed in their actions toward it. One is even suing them in a tribunal. Nice, I like to believe that I had something to do with this disapora.