What Gloom Cookie and Johnny the Homicidal Maniac really think

(this was emailed to me but it made me smile so I decided to share)

EXCERPTS FROM THE DOG'S DAILY DIARY:


8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favourite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favourite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favourite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favourite!
12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favourite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favourite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favourite!
5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favourite!
5:30 pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favourite!
6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favourite!
6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favourite!



EXCERPTS FROM THE CAT'S DAILY DIARY :

Day 283 Of My Captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only
thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction
I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors
by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must
try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse
these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their
favourite chair; must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and
brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am
capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed
and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working
according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell
the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY
power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to
be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is
assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...