The Twilight Phone Zone

Last night I was sitting at home watching a movie with my friend Fabian.
My cell phone rings. Which is odd cause my cell phone never rings.
I answer it.
There is the noise of a bar in the background and a very drunk sounding woman has the following conversation with me:

Can I speak with NOAU?
This is NOAU
No it's not.
Yes it is.
No it is not. I want to speak with NOAU.
You are. Who is this?
If this was NOAU you would know who this was.
Well I am and I don't.
Put NOAU on the mother fucking phone.
This is NOAU.
No it isn't.
Yes it is. Ask me something only NOAU would know.
You are not NOAU. You sound gay.
What?
You heard me?
No I didn't.
Yes you did.

I then hung up the phone, completely perplexed.
Fabian was unnerved when I told him.
He then asked me how did I sound gay?
I told him I had a san francisco accent.
The only person I thought it could be was MK.
So I called her, but much to my chagrin to find out that she was in the hospital visiting her boyfriend.
So not MK.
Have no idea who it was.
What the fuck?

Pretend I'm There

I am absolutely in love with the author Peter McGehee. He wrote two of my all time favourite novels entitled "boys like us" and the sequel "Sweetheart". I had no idea that he had intended for these books to be a trilogy.
But he did.
His partner (for whom he moved to canada for) wrote the third novel from his notes after he died of HIV related causes. Then Doug Wilson also died after completing the third novel of HIV related causes.
This third novel is beautiful.
And it reminds me of how idealistic and inspired I used to be.
When I first saw "Boys Like Us" it was at the only bookstore in Peterborough that had a gay/lesbian section. I used to pick it up all the time and read the back, but for some reason I never bought it. I don't know what I was so afrad of but the book used to terrify me. Perhaps I was not ready for it and I knew that.
I finally bought my copy when Talking Trees was closing and it was deeply discounted. I fell in love with the book, the characters, the setting, the writing, everything. It is as close a perfect novel that I can think of. And for the first time in my life it made me feel normal.
I discovered the sequel about 4 years later, when I was perusing the shelves at Glad Day in Toronto. It was on sale. I immediatly grabbed it and purchased it. I also fell in love and was so happy to be able to read the further adventures of Zero MacNoo and his friends.
I have re-read these two books countless times. They have been my friends whenever I felt bad about being gay (which was often).
Now I only recently discovered the third novel. I am currently reading it. It is a lot harder for me to read than the other two. This one is like a precious gift that I know will be taken away from me as soon as I am done it. The characters are so well done, the plot is beautiful and humane. Discovering that this book even existed was amazing, but I already feel sad that soon these characters will be done. That they will have no more adventures.
I know I can re-read all the books. And I am sure I will do that.
It is more that this time I am closer to where I have wanted to be than ever before. And that scares me.

One of the all time best novels ever.

You better respect my authority

Toady for the first time since starting at Central I was in the in-charge librarian. What does this mean?
Not much really.
It just means that if anything goes wrong I would be the one to deal with it.
But since Central is such a well oiled maching, there is no problems here.
Sigh.
In other news I think my computer is dying. It is gradually getting slower and slower. Why?
What is wrong with it?

Attack of the killer ex-boyfriends

Okay this is a truly strange experience.
But as of late, whenever I meet or go out with a new guy I end up running into one of my exes.
How strange is that?
Take for example my one and only date with Andrew, ran into Travel Agent on the way to the restaurant. I never ever see him about town and lo and behold there he is. Awkward.
Then on my first date with cancer research scientist, who do I run into but the jazz singer from last summer. Also incredibly awkward as I also never see him about town.
And today I finally talked with the guy from the gym. The one I have been making eyes at for the past two weeks.
I have to say I think he is cute!!
And on my walk home I run into another ex.
What is the universe trying to tell me?

They are just eye candy and milk glands

I had date number 2 with cancer scientist.
I have no idea what is going on.
We have decent communication but nothing else has really occurred.
I did however find out that he is not as boring or "normal" as I thought. He does drugs, talks about sex, and can be dirty when he feels comfortable.
Last night we had dinner and watched Inside Man, and during the movie he kept pointing out which women in the film had large breats.
This confounds me.
I remember a guy who I sort of dated back in the G-spot who was absolutely obsessed with womens breasts. He would stare at my drinking buddies breasts all the time, and I do have to admit that they are large - but as a gay man should his interests not lie elsewhere?
It got to the point with him talking to her breasts that one night at the bar, he came up to her and asked her breasts how she was. So she got down on her knees and asked his crotch how he was doing. He got the message after that.
So cancer scientist and I bonded over the size of my female friends breasts.

So yeah. . . I have no idea what is happening. But we have scheduled date number 3.

I fell in love all over again

No one is gay, it is just laziness

Last night a friend and I guzzled wine while watching cheesy movies.
We watched Adam and Steve, which was delightful.
We also talked about relationships, stuff, friends, ex-friends, more stuff, etc.
At one point toward the end of the evening I was laying on the very edge of my loveseat. Apparently that much weight on the edge makes my loveseat tip over and I fell to the floor with the couch on top of me.
This was hysterical.
I had to be rescued as I was unable to stop laughing.
Tara came to my rescue and then she was also unable to stop laughing.
I laughed so hard today my arms hurt.
No really, the pain in my arms woke me at 6 am. They really hurt. Healing power of laughter my ass.

Why? Oh lord, why?

I used to be a big fan of Tara Reid.
Its true. I did.
I loved her in Urban Legends and adored her in The Big Lewbowski, and thought she was cute and perky in Josie and The Pussycats.
So what the fuck happened to her?
She has lost it.
So completely lost it.
I am not even gonna put up photos of her to add even further shame to her downward spiral.
I just ask that you forgive her, for she apparently knows now what she does.
Ugh.

FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE WAY TOO SERIOUSLY

Here's some "wisdom" from the web. Author unknown.

For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously..........

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like...night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. How many of you believe in psycho kinesis? Raise my hand.
15. OK . . . so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened?
25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates.... it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Bitter Suite

The date with the research scientist went well.
He and I saw Strangers With Candy : The Movie.
He is much more attractive than I thought, however we are still in the getting to know you phase.
He did ask me out for a second date on tuesday night but I was busy. And we have a date set for next weekend for him to come over for dinner.
However, last night I went to where he works and took him a mixed cd. I think perhaps this was a bad idea. He did not seem overly thrilled to see me at work, which I can understand. But he also avoided having me talk to him in front of his co-workers. This I can understand to a certain extent, but it annoys me since it displays his degree of outness. (I think, I could be wrong about this and I am giving him the benefit of the doubt but after I gave him the Cd I had the distinct impression that I had just made a big mistake).
But since we had our first date we have emailed back and forth and messengered all day long, so I don't know what is going on.
This is however further complicated by a man at the gym.
I first noticed him last week when he was on the elliptical next to me. The next day we passed each other on the street and both checked each other out and then we both looked back at the other.
The next day at the gym we smiled at each other. It was a very nice experience. And the day after that it occurred again and this time Mainja was at the gym so it was even nicer.
And for some reason I can not get this guy out of my head. I don't even know his name or anything about him, but I find myself thinking about him and fantasizing about him. This has never really happened to me before and I have no idea what to make of it. I know that I have to talk to him, it just depends on when I see him next. He was not at the gym on thursday or friday and today I did not go since it is my day off.
So I have no idea what is going on.