Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Houdini Blues

I went to Bradford this past weekend to visit my friend Aurelia. I have not seen her since June and we have not had a proper visit in over a year so I felt that this was important for me to do, plus is got me out of the house and made me face my fear of doing stuff I have never done before (aka: take the go bus to Bradford - scary I know)
Anyways I have a friend who lives in Bradford who I also wanted to see, so we invited him over for dinner.
Fine, great, all was well on the Bradford front.
We had a wonderful dinner, with a cheesecake that I had made for desert. We sipped our wine and talked and laughed and it was wonderful.
Then it was sprung on me that Aurelia had bought a raffle ticket to the Lion's Club Beef Dinner. Whooo Hoooo (that is dripping with sarcasm)
Now, I don't know about you but I hate these kinds of things. First off I hate them cause my parents used to make me go to them, secondly I hate them because it is like stepping into a weird version of the twilight zone where you have the Stepford Community and everyone behaves like robots. I hate that. I hate that it is an arena (yes on my first visit I had to go check out the arena) filled with couples who all look and behave the same. I hate that all the teens look the same (I am assuming that the little punks like me found a way to get out of it, or were hiding in some locale that I was yet unawares of) and all behave the same and I hate the fact that I was there.
We walked in, had no intention of eating and as soon as we saw the food had even less intention. I am not really turned on by coleslaw in a great big huge tin tray served to me by either A) some incredibly eager 8 year old who has no idea that there is life outside Bradford, or B) some older woman in a turquoise sweater set who very obviously looked me up and down and then scowled at me. So no food for us. We wandered around, looked at all the raffle prizes, I caught so many people (by people I mean men) staring at Aurelia and then giving me dirty looks for holding her hand (yeah, thats right boys - back off! Shes mine! No fresh meat for you) and so I became defensive and started giving them looks right back. Well, you know when in Rome . . .

So anyways we wandered around, got stared at, got given unapproving looks, didn't eat, the only people who talked to us were drunk, and then we left. I say it took about ten minutes tops.
The thing that really bugs me about this is that I was doing the same thing to them, that they were doing to me. I was making assumptions about the group instead of dealing with them on an individual basis. I felt so boxed in by them. I felt like I was 15 again and that I had no place to go to that was my own. I felt like they were all judging me. And I am sure some of them were, but in retrospect I am thinking that the looking was more because they had never seen Aurelia and I before.
So I apologize to Bradford. I boxed them in, and in return I boxed myself in. They say you can not go home, but apparently you can. I guess the problem with that old adage is that home just moves from one small commmunity to another. Sheesh!


At Tuesday, 13 September, 2005, Blogger emily said...

I've "worked at" a Town of Caledon equivalent - the Lions Club Lobster dinner. Scariness!

What is Aurelia doing in Bradford? I had no idea she was there.

At Tuesday, 13 September, 2005, Blogger emily said...

And now I'm realizing that putting worked at in quotes makes it sound like I was a hooker or something. I put it in quotes because I somehow got roped into it, had to stay the entire night, and maybe got $20 for it. Grrr.

At Wednesday, 14 September, 2005, Blogger St. Dickeybird said...

It's funny how we extricate ourselves from small town life, get used to the city, and then visit Small Town again later in life, finding that there is still no place for us.
That's 'us' with me pretending I still live in TO, and apologizing for the runon sentence.

At Wednesday, 14 September, 2005, Blogger mainja said...

i don't know, i would say it's not home, and the problem is, it never was.

home is welcoming. home is comfort.

so maybe more appropriately, you can never escape the past, and in this case the past reappears in the present just in a different location...


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