C.B.I.

To Whom it May Concern

I am just writing to inform you that I have recently become a top secret agent at the Chocolate Bureau of Investigation.
That means from here on in buckos that you had better watch out. I am now a government employee and I am gonne kick some ass if I catch wind of any of you out there abusing chocolate in any way, shape or form.
It is now my job and still my duty to take chocolate away from people who I feel are not worthy of it or should not be ingesting it. That goes for all of you people who think that you can melt it down and use it as fondu. That is not right. If you are going to be melting it down then you should be injecting it like I am. Tsk tsk tsk. Some people have no couth at all, whatsoever.
So just watch your back cause at any moment of the day or night, if there is chocolate in your house, home, or apartment (well or your car, your office, your cottage, your room at the bathhouse, your locker at the gym or school etc - I think I have made myself clear) that has not be consumed and you are not paying attention to it then it is my duty to come and take it away from you and make sure that it feels loved.
Any questions?
I thought not!