Monday, December 31, 2007

Salt Water Fish

"I'll run in circles all the time, I'll gather up all that is mine. Into the room inside my head - the walls are black the roof is red"

On friday and saturday I had this amazing sense of anxiety of feeling the need to break down and to freak out.
At first I thought it was to do with Monster Squad.
And then I thought it was because I was hosting a dinner party and had to go to another party after.
And then I had no idea what it was about.
I called my bestie and left a message and finally afer several hours of not talking to her, we talked.
She made a lot of sense.
What she suggested was occuring was that I was finally feeling the repercussions of my family, and christmas and what not.
This was a relief.
I think she was right, and that I did not have to worry that Monster Squad and I were not doing well or that I was making a mess of things, I was just feeling.
It was strange that my reaction was so delayed in terms of my emotions, but it was also nice to know that I was sorting my feelings out and that my body was just being convoluted about it.
I felt better after my talk.
And I actually had an amazing night on saturday.


At Monday, 21 January, 2008, Blogger von said...

Hey there,

I've been offline for a while, but on coming back and finding my bookmarks- I find some amazingly brave and stark posting here. Kudos on putting so much out there. I can honestly say, I'm humbled by it.

As I sat here reading your Christmas Eve post, my eyebrows just kept rising as you went through, item by item, your aunt and uncle's positions. "Damn," I kept hearing myself murmur.

Cameron- I don't know if you'll ever get the full season pass into this family's heart, but you certainly have one to mine.



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