Sunday, February 20, 2005

Let me realize my worth

I hate vacuuming.

I really fucking mean it.

I have had to vaccum this damn apartment everyday since last thursday when I bought a new vacuum. Why? You may ask, well let me tell you. Because GOD HATES ME!!!!!!
THat is why!
ANd the reason god hates me is well probably obvious but I can not see it. But for whatever reason it is, it does hate me and has sent a plague of Bed Bugs upon my home (which I already don't like) and well that is that. So in order to ensure that spraying is as efffective as possible i have to vacuum every day along the baseboards and on my bed frame and my futon frame to make sure that I get all the eggs and any remaining survivors.
I fucking hate this!

All my furniture is several inches out from the wall because I have to do this every day for 2 weeks to a month and well, I don't feel like moving my furniture every day. If this does not work I am going to cry.
And well everyday I vacuum and everyday it seems to take a little less time, which I don't know if that means I am getting better at it or lazier, whatever the reason I wish this would end. I really do.

Oh well. Last weekend during the eating drinking olympics I came to a drunken realization of the worlds most perfect couple. Patsy from AbFab and Spike from Buffy and ANgel. Would they not be the cutest couple ever? Indestructable? Both with bad attitudes and a penchances for drugs and the naughty lifestyle. I think that they would be so cute in a weird revolting kind of way, but what do I know?

I felt the need to go husband hunting (what the hell do I mean - need? Do I need a man? I have no idea, can someone tell me if I do need a man? Cause I don't know how to tell) but I just shrugged it off and stayed home and went to bed early. This is beginning to concern me. I used to want a boyfriend and now I no longer want one, I don't care to talk to men all that much when I am not around them, but put one in my vicinity who is kind of cute and all of a sudden I am lonely and need male companionship, what the fuck is that about? I have become that Tori Amos song "Spark" where she lists of all of the things that someone doesn't want but then the chorus is : "But she don't, she don't really mean it" That is how I feel. I want all of these things but I feel a certain amount of velleity toward all of it and my life. This sucks because I used to feel a lot more passion toward what I wanted in life and now I feel like the song that opened the Buffy episode "Once more . . . with feeling" where she sings "I'm just going through the motions, walking through the part, nothing seems to penetrate my heart" Yup that about sums it up.
So if anyone can tell me how to find the energy I used to have, please let me know because this sucks.


At Tuesday, 22 February, 2005, Blogger Weirded Out said...

Listen to some Rheostatics. Enjoy the music. That's one way of finding energy.

At Tuesday, 22 February, 2005, Blogger emily said...

Someone I don't know telling people to listen to the Rheostatics - YAY!

Camcam, you should listen to that person up there. :)

At Wednesday, 23 February, 2005, Blogger mainja said...

yeah, but does nooneaskedus really seem like the rehos type of guy to you?


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