Wednesday, June 25, 2008

the longest night, the longest day

There are many odd things that occur in life.
So far my life seems to be the variety pack of strange.
After surviving my childhood and the myriad issues that have developed because of that I know seem to be in this very new phase of my life.
It has taken four years of therapy, a lot of red wine, tears, hugs, supportive friends, me challening myself and growing to finally be in a relationship with someone who I love. And who loves me.
He is my best friend.
My romantic partner.
The person I admire the most in the world (and not just because he chose me!)
But now I find that as emotional walls come down, as things begin to change, I am terrified of us and the relationship.
I hate this.
I hate that I feel unsure of things when before it felt like something to be sure of.
I hate that once again it seems that I have more things that my parents did to me to undo.
I hate that my parents have to take no responsibility in this.
And I hate that it seems that my depression is returning in the midst of this, making it even harder to trust myself and my emotions.
In the words of Aimee Mann "kicking is hard, but the bottom's harder"


At Wednesday, 25 June, 2008, Blogger mainja said...

many great big hugs.

none of it is fair, but you will get through it. you will get to a place of comfort.

i love you.


At Friday, 27 June, 2008, Blogger Adrienne! said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At Monday, 30 June, 2008, Blogger graymama said...

I have typed and deleted a few times now because I lack some magical words of wisdom. Honestly, all I can say is that I understand and you have a special place in my heart <3

"cuz when i look down
i just miss all the good stuff
when i look up
i just trip over things"

ani difranco -- as is

At Friday, 04 July, 2008, Blogger emily said...

Hey, that Adrienne spammed me, too! And not for my pathetic participation here, either.

Anyway. That's totally not why I'm commenting.

You are such an amazing person - no matter what life throws at you, you keep perservering, and working things out, and trekking on. I know you can get through this, too. I will always be here for you. xoxoxoxoxo


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